It’s 4:24 PM, September 30th. Grief is cruel. As soon as you think you have a grip on things, something happens to flip your emotions upside down.
This morning I thought I had everything under control. I didn’t even cry.
But then I got in the shower and looked at my shrinking stomach and cried. And then that thought led to so many others.
My sweet Lyla pointed out my belly and noted that mommy has a big belly- this has been a topic of conversation in our home for several months now.
Mommy’s growing belly with her baby brother.
Lyla would pat my belly in her sweet attempt to show that she would be gentle with him.
My sweet girl has seen her mommy so sad this past week.
This breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart that she has seen me so upset and that it affects her.
In her sweet voice she’ll ask me and her daddy if mommy is sad.
In my attempt to reassure her, I’ll tell her that I am sad but I then give her a kiss and tell her how much she makes me happy.
There is no way I could get through this without her.
Steven keeps reminding me that she needs her mommy.
And that is my motivation every single day.