Finding the light in the midst of deep grief is a painstaking and often seemingly impossible task. At times, it’s as if the darkness is the only thing that exists, even within you. It consumes you. Engulfs you. When your world has shattered, it is easy to feel like all seems lost. You feel lost. Knowing which way to go is impossible because it’s all just so very dark.
But here is the truth: light always finds its way in.
Consider the darkest of nights where the stars appear all the more magnificently. Those tiny specks, millions of miles away, fill the sky with wonder and awe. And the sunrise just at daybreak when the first glint of light pokes above the horizon; a pink dawn whispers of possibility and hope of what still lies ahead.
The same is true of the darkness found inside a broken mama’s heart. The light finds its way in through moments of courage and connection. Through love and learning. In breath and in just being. Light is found in faith, family, and friends. In these tiny spaces, even if just for the briefest moment, we allow the light to come in. And the light is all the brighter when it reaches a tender heart like ours. The light is what propels us to keep going. To remind us that we can still live. We can still shine — for ourselves, and for our babies.
Reagan’s Ray of Light Retreat hosted by The Scotty Michael Foundation was created in honor of my daughter, Reagan Lou, who arrived to us still and silent just one day shy of her due date in September, 2020. I had never felt as proud and as devastated as I did on the morning I held her for the first and last time under the most radiant eastern pink sky. I made myself and sweet Reagan a promise that day – that I would seek out whatever light there is still to find in this life. I would always strive to find the hope, the love, and the good around me and remind myself that there is space for all of it. The pain and the promises. The sorrow and the celebration. The grief and the gratitude. And in that way, the light has found its way in through the cracks and crevices of this fragmented heart of mine.
And so, this retreat is also created in honor of all the moms of all the babies, who, for a million unknown reasons, didn’t get to stay long enough. This retreat is meant to provide those moms with the time and space to make room for the light in their own hearts. It is an acknowledgement of the gentle fierceness of mothers who find a way to keep on going, whose hearts keep on beating. For those mamas, this retreat is for you.
You are brave. You are beautiful. You are light.
If this speaks to your heart, I hope you’ll join us. For more information, click here for registration requirements and timeline.